age is a matter of feeling, not of years

I never wanted to be a part of your romantic life, I never wished to influence your decisions in life.

I did, however, want to be always there with advise when you asked for it. If I failed at communicating that singular focus of mine, that is my downfall. For that I have failed. Remember this one thing in your future endeavors, you wonderful, powerful, driven person you...for as long as I exist...I am here for you.

With that, he laid down in the hospital bed and accepted his fate.

It was cold that night. The small heater was wont to keep up with the falling late October temperatures. It was good, however to have her lying next to me.
The warmth was not just from her body. She loved me and she showed it every day. We were one and as we snuggled in that ram shackled yet to be converted school bus, I knew we could not only make it through the night, we would make it through the rest of our lives together.
Had it only been a year? I remember asking her out for the first time sometime this month last year. I was tongue tied, felt awkward and even a bit shy, but I sucked up all the courage I could muster and said A…would you go on a date with me? The thing I remember more vividly however, is her succinct answer. “I don’t know you well enough” Not a “no, I won’t” it was a qualifier…a challenge…maybe if I let her know more about who I was, she would actually spend some “away from work” time with me.
What a whirlwind of smiles, walks, talks, games, graduation and making time for each other it has been!
But it has only been one year and here we are…I will go to work tomorrow hoping to impress my supervisor so that I can get recommended for that assistant department manager job.
She will go to her freshman classes and, because of her good decisions earlier in life, graduate in three years.
I am sure her folks know about the bus, and her dorm fees may not get paid next semester. We will survive, that is what makes us strong. We are a couple who can survive, we have a plan and we can think on the go. We may end up in Davenport, Shreveport, or Timbuktu, but we will always, always have each other.
And for now; we have the back of our little yellow school bus we AandZ will always have each other.

Love... God what a diverse, non definable, and egocentric subject to write about.
This blog is about me, however. Me and my viewpoints. So here I am, hanging out
naked to the world, talking about the singular most important emotion any living being can have.
This brings me to another point. Is love just an emotion (or a second hand emotion, as Tina Turner was wont to say) or is it a mind set? I believe that love is a way of life...not some sappy "gee I love you and the world is wonderful" type of mind set. Love is not a universal emotion, you see.
Rather, love is just one step beyond acceptance and one step before unwavering commitment.
I remember the first love of my life. Her name was Kaye Harp. She had long flowing black hair and she was the cutest freshman in high school. That was not, however, why I fell in love with Kaye.
Kaye and I exchanged ideas. As insignificant and meaningless by today's standards as those ideas were: she listened to my ideas and I to hers...we became close in mind and body. We also drifted apart...you see, a poor teacher's son was no match for the son of a big city doctor driving a restored '57 Chevy Nomad. I guess that guy conveyed better ideas than did I.
And I love her still...I heard that she had not survived the ravages of cancer. I suppose I should have tried to stay closer in touch. But then again she left me once, I guess that is enough.
I am not going to enumerate every love I have had in my life, that is not the intent of this post.
My intent is to elaborate on what I believe the mindset and emotion called love really is.
If I love a grandson who has existed on this planet for ten minutes, why can I not love a person who is thirty years my senior, or decades my junior?
You see, it is all in the definition.
I think there is this special place in a person's mind that is reserved those who touch a special place in one's heart.
They don't leave that place, no matter their actions or the time or distance apart.The emotion that is felt as love is indelible.
Given all the above information, saying "I love you"and loving someone are two totally separate entities.
Saying "I love you " is the end of a phone conversation, or the start of a deeply physical encounter.
Putting that person in the special "love" section of your mind is what true love is all about.
I cannot define it,l I cannot , most assuredly, define it for you.
For me, however, Love is that which there is no universal definition. Please remember, however, that emotion and love are two entirely different things. Love is a mindset.

I thought I had posted this short story earlier on this blog...apparently not.
So here is the morose story I call simply  "Jess"

He was born seventy three years ago and how he made it this far was a wonder to all who knew him.
He squatted by the fire as would an Indian, smoking his home rolled cigarette, as he had done for
Most of his life.
The old man had lived in the woods all his life, never been out of them.
He knew when the squirrels  were the easiest to get.
He knew where all the blackberry brambles were and he knew how to make sassafras tea.
He also knew when the revenooers were in the area…he just knew.

His mama had named him Joshua, most of his life, he went by pops.
Pops  never had been married, never knew a woman who would put
Up with what he liked to say was “his style”.

Didn’t  know about any kids he had, ‘course he might have had a few runnin around.

Pops had a specialty…

He produced what the hill folk called “pops’ home cookin’”

Moonshine

100 proof , clear, kick-your-butt, make you kiss your ugly ole aunt,  good ole corn whiskey.

You see Pops was sitting around a fire, but it wasn’t any campfire.
Oh, no.
This fire had a still over it…it had to be tended closely, as only Pops knew how to do, to make that still
Produce what he was famous for.

That’s what he did
That’s who he was

Pops had done some jail time. He wasn’t bitter, he just figured the gub’ment was doin’ what they had
To do.
“Them revenooers is mad ‘cause I don’t pay no taxes to the gub’ment. Well, taxes is what pays them
Revenooers salary. “ “ They’s pissed off ‘cause I ain’t payin’ their salary.” “ I’ve heard about them
Type of things goin’ on in Chicago, with the Mob, I think it was called ‘protectionism”.

He didn’t know it , but this was to be his last run of ‘shine.
The very next day the Carrol County sheriff  picked him up.
Pops, sheriff Sutton said, I know you make some great ‘shine,
Had a few pints myself.
But the Feds said if I don’t put a stop to it, they will.
We got to bust up your still…matter of fact , your whole operation.
Them 120 gallon barrels gonna get the axe.
Tomorrow, we’ll come by in the afternoon to pick you up.
That should give you time to find some one to keep that flea-bag hound you call ol’ Jess,
Your two mules and that damned ugly jass-honkey you call Frank.

Now breakin up a man's still is one thing...but talkin bad about a person's critters, well...
hat's just mean!


The sheriff and his deputies did what they had to do.

Pops too

The two mules and Frank were down at the Jones place.

Pops and  ol’ Jess was found curled up in bed.
Their race was run.
They both gave up.
As it should be.

I choose not to participate:

I was told that those over forty years of age are not desired in the IT field:

I chose not to participate

I was told that old dogs cannot be taught new tricks:

I chose not to participate

I was told that those diagnosed with cancer had an average survival rate of less than ten years.

I chose not to participate

I was told that once the mind of a genius is set; it is impossible to change.

I chose not to participate.

I was told that the present administration will wreck the economy and hiring will cease.

I chose not to participate

I heard that Patriotism, love of country and God are dead;

I choose not to participate

I have many more years under my belt than most of the readers of this blog.

If I may give you some sage advice:

Do not participate if it is not right for you.

You have exactly one life to live: Do what is right for you primarily and all of those who you love secondarily.

There are of course times your primary focus will be upon those you love…you have chosen to participate; good for you!

Participate when you are able.

If you run upon those who believe they should dictate what your life should be:

 Choose not to participate

peripheral vision

 I wrote this a few months ago and yes,there is some of me in both of the characters:

 " The counselors say I lack focus, dad. They say I need to settle down. That I need to set a goal and achieve it. Am I a failure, and what is focus, anyway."
The young man had just come home from High school, nearly in tears. 
His session with the guidance counselor did not, apparently, go well.
John is an average student, not a 4.0, by any means...John, however, is not an average
person.
When he was a child, his IQ was measured in the high 160 range.... exceptionally gifted.
I cried.
He was, apparently following in the old man's footsteps.
"John, sit down. If you were 5 years older, I'd offer you a beer. Have a Coke and listen to what I have to say, evaluate it, internalize it, and move on from here , armed with some new knowledge ."
Dad drew a long breath, collected his thoughts, and began the soliloquy that may be the singular most important thing John had ever heard in his life:
When I was in high school, we didn't have guidance counselors, not in the vein you do now. Ours counseled the ones who had specific goals in mind.
Those with focus.
John, You and, yes, I , have a gregarious take on life.
I think it is a curse.
How can one focus on a singular purpose in life when there are so many opportunities to learn and do new and interesting things out there?
I. personally am glad that there are people out there who can be focused enough to become brain surgeons, nuclear scientists , and all those other people who have made our life better.
you and I have what I would like to define as " focused perifreal vision" 
We see the big picture.
We want everything
Now
Sorry, John
Ain't gonna happen
You can't be a brain surgeon, rocket scientist, skydiver, rock-n-roll musician, race car driver and a jumbo jet pilot.
Not in only one lifetime.
Believe me, I have tried.
Time runs out.
You know what is the
worst part?
Later, when you can be retrospective, you realize what you should have done,
what avenue you should have followed.
Maybe who It is you should have allowed in to your world.
Then it becomes too late.
John, I really don't know what to tell you.
I am not a failure.
Neither, by most people's measure, am I a success.
I know many, many things.
I have been many, many places,
I have talent immeasurable,
but I,too lack any focus
perfirial vision

too acute

More to be grateful for

Here is the body for the newest country and western song:

I am out of work, I have just about run out of places to apply, I am no spring chicken, the car went up in smoke and it cost thousands to fix it, I broke a tooth this weekend and needed oral surgery…and the air conditioner broke last week and it will be Friday before it can be made operational again.

WOW!...stuff happens in bunches, does it not?

My last article was about being grateful….let’s look at the “upbeat” side of this song:

I can move anywhere in this United States of America I want to, if I want to pursue a job there, that is what freedom is all about. I am "seasoned" the only way to get there is to have some age under your belt. I am in good health and still have a fair amount of my mental capacities.  The economy is, indeed on a downturn, but a slow recovery is the best for everyone on planet earth, and I strongly believe that the slow recovery is not far off. Because the car went up in smoke an opportunity to go car shopping appeared, and with some stashed away money for this type of rainy day, a brand new (with a good warranty) vehicle sits in the garage. There is a certain cleansing quality of realizing when pain is gone, (those with gout will attest to that fact) when one realizes that there is not that thing called pain sitting on top of your psyche 24-7:  it brings a smile. I got to find a dentist who had me in a chair by 8:30 this morning, and after an hour of virtually painless oral surgery, x-rays, medication, and all the other unseen voodo that can extract a crumbling molar from the far reaches of one's jaw; The bill came to  only $250.00! To Dr. Teresa Morris and her staff, I am truly thankful, and grateful that a clinic with the name of “Giving Back” exists; it truly does.

I am glad that this house has a good amount of insulation, with the outside air at 101 degrees; it is only 84 degrees in here today.

I am grateful that I found the article last week that opened my eyes about finding things to  be grateful for instead of taking the “low road”

I am grateful I like upbeat music more than the cry-in-my-beer country songs!

Gratitude and the Reciprocity effect

I read an article today with a headline that immediately caught my attention: “True Secret to Success (it’s not what you think)”. Obviously I had to find out what the true secret to success is…I have tried several avenues and know that as presently defined, pure, unwavering diligence and hard work are NOT all it takes…so what is it? (At least in the author’s opinion?)

Gratitude…yup, in a single word, author Geoffrey James defines the secret to success as being thankful for what one has. I will have to say, old Jeff does make some very valid points: “People who (have) a sense of gratitude are constantly aware of what’s wonderful in their life. Because they enjoy the fruits of their success, they seek out more success”….well stated

He goes on to talk about those without a sense of gratitude never being happy. “For them, a string of successes is like trying to fill a bucket with a huge leak in the bottom”.  Those of us who are aware of “old school” film photography, and the printing process especially,  are aware of the “reciprocity effect”.  There is an inverse relationship between the amount and duration of light added to a photosensitive medium and the amount that the medium will absorb that light. In short….trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it.

If you are among those who would like to include “gratitude” as part of your psychological make-up, Geoffrey  James suggest an easy route to  reprogram you thinking is just before your bedtime at night…write down what you have to be grateful for that day. You can do this electronically or on paper, just do this one simple step, and you will be exercising your “gratitude muscle”…he suggests that doing so over time will give you, at the least, a more positive attitude.

J_Does anyone see a distinct correlation between what Jeff is suggesting and a practice that has been carried out for hundreds, if not thousands of years?....evening “enter what you are grateful for that happened today on my phone” and “Evening Prayer” ?

Yup, Mr. James, I am sure you are right. I am also sure you have added a modern twist to a practice that has been carried out for generations.

I have but one question:  Do I have to kneel beside my bed while entering my daily gratitude into the “notes” section of the IPhone?

Mr, James' excellent article may be found here.

Riptide

There are specific rules regarding how one must react in order to protect themselves from harm when swimming in the ocean. Specifically I want to address the actions required when one is caught in a rip tide.

Generally defined as a strong outflow current from shore, riptides are responsible for many drownings per year.

The givers of good advice generally agree on a course of action when caught in a rip tide.

• ·       Learn and remember the plan for survival.
• ·       Take a deep breath, relax and don’t struggle against the current. The current will sweep you away from shore fairly rapidly.
• ·       When the current has dissipated, as it will eventually, orient yourself in the general direction of the shore, but not in any specific point on the shore. If you try to reach some specific point on the shore, you may well be fighting a strong current
• ·       Since the riptide may have taken you quite far out to sea, just paddle slowly and conserve your energy.
• ·       When you reach shore, you may walk to your destination.

“All this is fine”, you say, “but I am not swimming in the ocean any time soon” (me either, unfortunately); “what relevance does that have on me?”

I believe this plan not only to be a lifesaving one, but may well relate to living life itself.

·       Always have a plan

·       Relax, don’t panic; there are some things that are beyond your control.  Go with them but do not abandon the grand plan.

·       When the crisis has passed, get your relative bearings, orient yourself in the general direction of your goal, but don’t get too specific about the outcome at first.

·       Once the largest hurdles have been accomplished and you are in a more comfortable environment, you may focus more acutely on your specific goal.

I have never been caught up in a riptide. Not literally. I did learn several lessons along this swim called life, however. In almost every situation that seemly was beyond my control, when I remembered the riptide advice; the outcome seemed more within my control.

I interviewed with a company today that really is genuine. I love the way the members of the organization conducted the interview. There is nothing superficial, or trumped up about this company. It is a first class operation whose goal is to produce satisfied customers…never, not one time was I asked about my career goals

(inferring that I was over the hill and would not be with the company for long) I was asked about my background, my experience, my ability to convey my knowledge and my willingness to be available when needed.

I would never say that I have the job until I sign the contract, but I believe that is soon to follow.

It is part time, it is a new endeavor for me…and what a wonderful trip it has been so far.
stay tuned!

MSCIS

Last Saturday at 5:00 P.M. began the on-campus segment of the Masters program that I have been in since January. It is, to say the least, an intense 5 ½ days of classroom learning. Following the on campus session will be three on line  classes this fall; each being six weeks in duration, expounding on what we have been introduced to this week.

I have no complaints, however. It is great to be surrounded with professionals. The teachers and students alike are very interesting people all of whom have diverse and interesting backgrounds.

The principals  in the department  truly care about each and every student in attendance. Believe me, at my age, I can see right through the “smoke” if someone is trying to blow it! Their job is no less easy than ours…their hours are longer, and the weeks and months of preparation that have gone in to this session result in constant smiles and an upbeat attitude from Dr. Shannon McMurtrey and Cathy Van Landuyt, and all of the instructors. Super people, all.

The on-campus session has been referred to by the program head as “drinking from a fire hose”. I can’t say he is too far off there! From 7:30 Am…or so ‘till around 6:00 PM, we are in a classroom save two breaks and a 45 minute lunch.

This master’s program is about analyzing input, not absorbing and regurgitating. Papers that have researched and analyzed a subject are more the norm than are tests and rote memory exercises.  I love this program: it has so much to offer.

No, this is not a paid advertisement, but it is a blog post from a geezer who really appreciates keeping sharp and active. with a distinct possibility of advancement thrown in for good measure.

The program is the Masters of Science in Computer Information Systems at Missouri State University. Three more semesters and I get my first “hood”!

Stay tuned for updates on jobs that are on the horizon…

Life is good, folks, if you will just live it!

Buckets and David Cook

I had to do some reading today about strategic vs. tactical planning in a business environment.

It is, or should be obvious that the reading I am speaking of is not “light” reading. It is reading

I have to do for a pre-session meeting for the Master’s program I am taking…So…this is pre-reading for a pre-session class! But I digress….

Strategic vs. Tactical planning…is the same as saying long-range vs. shorter range planning or, possibly another way to put it is Bucket Lists vs. those lists you make up daily or weekly and put on your IPhone so that you can jog your memory as to what needs to be accomplished on a short term basis….

I think those lists need a moniker, a real name, something other than “ those lists I keep on my IPhone so I can jog my memory as to what the heck it was I am supposed to do today!”

I have the answer.

“Pail List”…after all, a pail is substantially smaller than a bucket. It carries much less weight, and is still a method of conveying a list of things that need to be accomplished!

My “Pail List” consisted of ten items today, almost evenly divided between tasks that must be accomplished to improve the homestead, and tasks that need to be accomplished for my own benefit….

Up to this point, I have marked off/deleted nine of the ten items…I think that is a pretty good accomplishment for one day, and the day is not over yet.

Pail List. Brief, and to the point…I think I like it.

David Cook, in his latest album “This Loud Morning” is really dynamic, and is exactly what I like to listen to:

Old-school rock with really good lyrics, musicianship, and vocals. I did not know that he had been an American Idol winner…I don’t watch T.V. either. I guess that would make it hard to know that fact, though.

A real critic reviewed his album here. I like it!

Oh yes… the tenth item on my pail list was to write about a pail list on my blog…..

Done!

Have a great weekend!

Wednesday ads

Today, as on any given Wednesday, the flyer for each of the local grocery stores was stuffed between the folds of the local paper and distributed throughout the paper’s circulation area.

I began to wonder how many people actually knew, or even cared why the grocery store ads all came out on Wednesday? Is it a giant price-fixing conspiracy? Why not Sunday when the circulation is at its highest? Why not Friday, in time for “weekend Specials”;  Why Wednesday?

It seems that grocers and the Sperry and Hutchison Company need a way to perk up sales on the day that was notoriously the slowest grocery shopping day of the week…I am not sure when the tradition actually came into play, or where, but it seems that any grocer worth its salt for decades before  the 1970s gave away S & H green stamps. And Wednesday was double stamp day! That’s right; boys and girls, TWICE the normal amount of Sperry and Hutchison’s famous “S&H Green Stamps” could be yours for merely making your weekly trek to the grocer on a Wednesday! Believe me, it was a tradition in our household, as well as many, many other households. I believe Double stamp day was marketing genius, but that is for another entry.

I assume the tradition is just that now, and the fact that grocery store ads all come out on Wednesday  still boost sales somewhat, although I am sure the sales have leveled out somewhat.  S&H green stamps were out of production in the 80s and its meager distribution at that time did not raise much of a fuss. There were other saving stamps, Gold Bond, Royal, and others, but all went the way of the dinosaur, the dodo bird and the pet rock.

I miss those days of wandering what the accumulation of books of green stamps was going to purchase. Browsing the catalog seemed to be a tradition, too. Every Wednesday Evening, right after all those stamps were duly licked and affixed to the pages of the book used to collect them. ( I sure was a happy camper when I figured  out that a damp sponge was an acceptable substitute for my tongue)! The prices in the Green Stamp catalog were in numbers of books required for purchase. There was a redemption center in the nearest town of any size, and the people there would gladly order you whatever you had enough books for. The stamps were used to buy many Christmas gifts, and a catalog would get work quickly in the days following Thanksgiving.

The catalog was nowhere as extensive as A Sears or Montgomery Ward’s catalog, but still, the funding for the  wonderful model airplanes, BB guns, and footballs contained within were readily available and easily counted…there in those shoeboxes that have been accumulating for all these many months…

Double stamp day….Ain’t it crazy what a nostalgic trip thorough time an ad stuffed into the local newspaper can do? Make memories while you can, for you and those around you, and try to make them all good, you and your loved ones will appreciate it someday, I promise.

Slides

SLIDES

When we were younger we would , on special occasions like Christmas, and maybe birthdays, view the photographic slides of our family and places our family had been.

It was always a grand affair; setting up the screen, getting out the projector, leveling it on the coffee table, putting in the first of several hundred slides trying to get the focus just right, then the lights were turned off with the operator (It was quite a privilege to have attained the status of projector operator) would carefully insert the next slide, making sure it was oriented correctly. Upside down, and inverted , get it right or you, the one who attained the honor of projector operator, was the recipient of heckling until it was oriented correctly.

Most of the slides were in a somewhat chronological order starting somewhere in the forties and ending around the early sixties. It was a hodge-podge of family, places the family had been, and the homes of grandparents and relatives. It was my mother’s life…a slide show documented on two trays of slides. 

I’m not sure how the timing of the start of the viewing was done, but it always seemed that after the last slide was viewed, and everything was put away, it was time to go to bed; the day was done.

In life I am well into my second tray of slides, but I am not ready for that last slide and neither am I ready to put up the screen and call it a day, or life for that matter. I really don’t want to sit and review my life, it is not as happy or full of wonderful memories as some, and yes, there are regrets. To those who say they live without regrets, I say how can you go through life and never make a poor decision?

It is good to look back, to realize where you came from; it is not something I really want to do on a continuing basis, however. I haven’t done a very good job of documentation, either, and mostly what I have are memories. My slides are mostly in my mind; maybe3 that is why I am compelled to write…maybe it is a way of revealing my earlier years and sharing that revelation with people. 

I hope you enjoy my slideshow.

Two-A-Days

Lately I am in to two-a-days.

Nope I have not lost my mind and started practicing with a football team, I have

not become an exercise junky, nor am I a newlywed!

I am talking about the picking of wild blackberries. I have plenty of thorny vines

in the back of my property. Lately it seems that I have quite a bit of time on my hands,

and those juicy little berries were begging to become a main ingredient in a cobbler.

It is amazing how rapidly they mature, and how quickly they get over-ripe.

Berries that are not ready to be picked in the morning may well be ready in the evening

and the same is true for those slightly under mature in the evening; they will be ready first 

thing in the morning. Thus, I have been to two-a-days in the blackberry picking realm

for over a week. I have accumulated well over a quart of those pea-sized natural wonders

and have frozen them each morning and evening for safe keeping. Time is fast approaching

to make a creation from the fruits of my labor (literally)!

Fresh, hot, juicy blackberry cobbler ( maybe with a handful of blueberries thrown in for good measure. 

Top that all off with a large scoop of French vanilla  ice cream, and

just enjoy!....after about three or four more two-a-days, I will have quite enough to accomplish

that, and maybe even have enough berries to make a blackberry topping for the Ice cream.

All of this, of course is going to be make with real, pure cane sugar from Hawaii.

Michelle O.  and Mayor Bloomberg…you weren’t invited anyway!...but if any of my kind readers just happen to be downwind and get a sniff when that comes out of the oven….Come On Over!